Barney's One Rule
by manda600
Summary: At his wedding, Barney finally reveals his most important rule.


**A little ways down the road….**

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><p>Barney sat at the head table, suited up in his finest, smiling across at Robin in her seat next to him.<p>

She reached over and took his left hand, running her finger over the golden band that now adorned his ring finger. "So," she asked, "how does it feel?"

He sighed, the soft happy sort of sigh he reserved for emotional confessions – or just after sex. "It feels good. It feels _really_ good. Kind of like late at night when we're in bed and I'm spooning you." And because he's Barney, he added, "Naked, of course."

The contended smile on Robin's lips turned to an all-out grin. "Of course." This time she was the one to sigh. "That was a really great answer, Barney. A perfect answer. You are gonna get so lucky tonight."

He gave her that Stinson smirk, the one she could never quite manage to resist. "I always do. You, Robin, seem to have trouble saying no."

The space between them slowly closed. "Well, you once said you always get the yes."

"That I do. Except now, I only want it from you."

She set her hand softly to his cheek. Her touch, her eyes always did say what her words could not. "You've got it," she vowed.

For a split second, he turned his face into her palm. Then he reached up and took her hand, pausing to bring her finger to his lips and press a light kiss onto the ring now encircling it, before drawing it back for his inspection. Rubbing his thumb across the diamond, he looked up into her eyes. "How does yours feel?"

"Awesome," she answered sincerely, without even the slightest hint of sarcasm. And when the moment threatened to turn Ted-like, with a twinkle in her eye, she added, "Surprisingly, I don't feel the slightest bit shackled."

"Give me a few hours. You will tonight," he replied, with a decidedly naughty twinkle of his own.

"Yeah?" she asked, moving closer, because what was a wedding if it didn't include a little tongue-on-tongue action – or perhaps some bathroom stall sex a la Lily and Marshall. After all, it would be literally hours till they were alone; the reception was only just getting started.

"_Oh yeah_." One hand found her waist, the other the nape of her neck. "We're going to give a whole new meaning to the phrase 'ball and chain'."

They were about to pounce on each other when, with the eagle eye that only a mother could possess, Lily swooped in it at the last minute and stopped them. "Hey, hey! Save it for tonight, you guys. Besides, Ted's about to start his speech."

They groaned, but inch-by-inch backed a respectable distance away from each other, though Barney kept his arm around Robin and she continued to lean into him. Lily returned to her seat beside Robin, and the newlyweds reluctantly focused their attention toward their best man.

"Oscar Wilde once said, 'Life is one fool thing after another where as love are two fool things after each other'," Ted quoted. "I'd once thought that I would be one of those fool things up there with Robin, but the universe – and these two – " he interjected, indicating his two best friends, "had other ideas. Now I know what you're thinking: architect, college professor, clearly handsome, all around great catch. Who wouldn't pick this? But as Wilde also said, 'The mystery of love is greater than the mystery of death'."

Barney bent his lips to Robin's ear. "Is anyone else hearing the Charlie Brown voices?"

Robin giggled, until Lily leaned over and shot them a glare, warning in a stage whisper, "Be nice. He worked really hard on this."

With one last exchanged look of amusement, they turned back to Ted mid-speech.

"I still remember the touching words Barney said after seeing Robin for the first time. Technically, I spotted her first – never let it be said that Mosby doesn't have a keen eye – and, thinking she would make the perfect future wife and mother I naturally pointed her out to my bro. 'Hey, Barney, see that girl?' I asked. And I'll never forget. Barney took one look at her and promptly said, 'Oh yeah. You just know she likes it dirty'."

The guests dutifully broke into laughter, and Robin turned to Barney. "Is that really what you said?"

"Absolutely," he answered, fully owning it. Then with a wink, he told her, "And I was right."

Her eyes narrowed but her lips curved into the same amused smile she always got whenever he said something that really should offend her but only made her love him that much more.

"It's like I always say, Robin. I just have the one rule: always, always marry the girl who likes it dirty."


End file.
